3/6/2010
I have been writing this rambling nonsense diatribe for the fun of it. It is based on the old concept of giving a room full of chimps plenty of typing paper, typwriters. The chimps begin to play and type and as the chimps play around on the typwriters they accidentally type out a complete novel.
Well, I’ve been doing that since the beginning of april and in the middle of all that activity, our family North of town eruptes again. So, today while I’m writing at my mindless diatribe, I think of that tribe and the family tree I once attempted to construct.
I thought it might be possible to write and create a family tree from all the “Going’s on” that goes on in that family. Well I worked it trying to make a coherent workable diagram, but the family ramblings, marriages, breakups and re-joining defied my efforts. Still, I’m the sort of guy when confronted by confusion, and more confusion, I can always fall back on my imagination.
I present:
The Bramble family tree
No magic or extraordinary life here, because Gerald wasn’t the oldest nor the youngest or the one squeezed in between. Gerald was just number five in a family of eight brothers and sisters. The only thing evident in his teenage years and on into high school years, was that Gerald was not cut out to be a farmer. His oldest brother, Jerome later became an auto mechanic; Ervin, the next oldest, became a shop teacher in a high school; Lucille, his oldest sister, married a farmer; Theresa, his next oldest sister, became a nurse; Norman, his younger brother, became an airline pilot; Marcella, the next to the youngest in the family, became a school teacher while Rita, the youngest, became a Catholic Dominican sister.
Gerald really didn’t become anything. He tried to be a farmer, but simply, it wasn’t in his blood. He just couldn’t stay on that tractor seat in the hot sun and listen to the pounding of a tractor engine day in and day out. He just couldn’t go out before sun up and roll over those hay bales to make them dry and then put them up in the loft for the winter. He put off becoming a farmer, until just before he was going to get his draft notice and decided to join the Air Force.
Then things were doing pretty well for Gerald. He had a bunk, three square meals a day, a job and a purpose in life. He went on liberty to the nearby town and met a girl. She was a young mother, recently divorced and with three children to feed, educate and keep from harm. Gerald wrote home about his new girlfriend, Mary Ann Wolford and how he’d met her in a bar off base. His parents were not happy. She was divorced. She left her former husband, because he beat and abused her. She had three children of his and her doing. She worked in a bar. She was not a Catholic and then when Gerald wrote home that he was going to ask her to marry him, his mother and father hit the roof. Then, in desperation, Gerald’s parents made phone calls to Gerald and the Airforce base chaplain, begging Gerald to come to his senses and not to marry the woman. The base chaplain was able to have Gerald transfererd to Alaska and Gerald’s parents breathed a sigh of relief. Gerald took Mary Ann and her children with him on the transfer and of course, deliberately failing to mention this fact to his parents. Gerald got married anyway.
1960 Gerald Birzer marries Mary Ann Wolford. He becomes husband to Mary Ann Wolford and stepfather to Cletus, Dorothea (Dot) and Vicky Wolford. Mother and Father Birzer are very unhappy at Gerald’s choice of life mate and told him to not come home. But as life goes on, years passed and Gerald’s father contracts a deady case of blood cancer and now needs help on the farm. None of the other offspring were disposed to come and work the family farm so the father calls Gerald and tells him, all is forgiven only if he will please come home and take over the family farming. Gerald, Mary Ann, Cletus, Dot and Vicky come to Ellinwood to work the farm and to make this story short, father and mother Birzer move into town. Father dies of his cancer. Gerald tries farming for a while, but never having favored the knack for the trade, he quits and pursues the trades of roofing and later radiator manufacturing and repair.
In the meantime the family grows Cletus, Vicky and Dot into teenagers and beyond. They all do poorly in school. Gerald and Mary Ann, not content with three children decide or by accident, have one more child and they name him David. The children all struggle with school and despite the chaos, poor examples and simple neglect of their well being in their day to day family life, they graduate anyway. Then they each get married or keeping it simple just decided to move into together and breed. They brought forth a host of offspring that I will enmumerate to you below:
Cletus marries Robin Tesch and they have Amanda. Cletus and Robin get a divorce or break up (which ever conditon applies), Robin keeps Amanda. Clete doesn’t send any child support and Robin dies from something. Amanda is now abandoned by Cletus and goes to live with her Grandmother.
Dorothea marries Randy Slack and they don’t have any offspring, but they soon divorce. Then, Dorothea meets this guy named Schwarz (his last name) and they have a child from a one night stand. They name him Cody. Cody Schwartz or Slack, who knows at this point, is born with a birth defect and will require special education and care for the rest of his life. Dorothea continues to experiment with various loser men drifting in and out of her life.
Vicky hitches up with a smooth talking dude named Elbert Dewberry who, from unknown reasons dies, but not before he breeds and multiplies. They have two daughters. Tanya and Jennifer. They both have the name Dewberry (I state this because it is important to understand the family tree). Then for some reason, who knows? Ole Dewberry dies. Then, I guess, because the man of the house is missing, Vicky can’t control Tanya and so Tanya is farmed out to eventually become the adopted child of her Aunt Dorothea. Why, this arrangment, I have no idea!
Tanya Dewberry will be now be known as Tanya Slack after Dorothea Slack. Meanwhile, Jennifer Dewberry, Tanya’s sister grows up to meet Terry Zebala who at the same time is fathering children from another marriage.
Terry Zebala and Jennifer get married and have Michael Lewis Zebala, Gabi Lynn Zebala and Angel Lynn Zebala. Michael and Gabi have since been taken away by the state. Angel is still at home and her mother (Jennifer) is now expecting twins. Meanwhile, Vicky Dewberry is moving on with her life. She marries Terry Jackson and they have Kimmy Jackson. Kimmy Jackson (half sister to Jennifer and Tanya) grows up and marries a guy, Frank Cherbon and they have children, Gerald Francis and Francis Jason Cherbon and then Terry Jackson dies, so Vicky moves on. Vicky Jackson, then meets and marries Harold Alexander, she then is Vicky Alexander and again creates more children. Harold Alexander Jr. and Ashley Alexander. They then become, half brother and sister to Tanya Dewberry Slack, Jennifer Dewberry Zebala, and Kimmy Jackson Cherbon. Are you confused yet? Well it isn’t over!
Then Tanya Dewberry Slack has problems with Dorothea Schwarz Slack, her adopted mother, and is then shipped out to the farm to become the daughter of Grandfather Gerald and Grandmother Mary Ann. Tanya, later marries, meets, and-or shacks up with a guy named Chris West. They have a child they name Laura West. She is born the day after Christmas if that means anything. They break up and the child is taken by the state. Tanya Dewberry Slack West, has Laura’s name tattooed on her arm as if that means anything. Tanya, then meets Matt Winger and he’s a “Humdinger”. They have a courthouse, “Maybe” marriage, but break up without children (thank god). By this time however, Tanya Dewberry Slack West Winger has already met up with a certain, Jason Glickman. Mr Glickman is an involuntary patient (not worker) at the State Mental Hospital. He made her laugh, Tanya claims – good reason to shack-up, a good reason to begat a new child, Emily Glickman. Emily’s first birthday was on the same day her father was sent back to the nut house for a second stay. Emily was taken by the state. Then, to sum up the family Bramble tree, Tanya meets and marries Chris Gross (a fitting name). They breed and have another child. This child they name Ariana Gross and she too has been subsequently taken by the state. At present, Chris Gross is in jail for domestic battery.
Post script:
• Robin Tesch Wolford, her daughter Amanda Wolford and Gerald Birzer have all died.
• Cletus Wolford has moved back in with his Mother at the family farm. Clete brought his dog, Killer.
• Tanya always said, that “After grandad dies (Gerald) we can have a dog in the house!” There are now twenty dogs in the house and I’m certain, as many cats and one ferrate. (none, of which are neutered vaccinated or house broken.) Two dogs chained up outside (killer and Cujo), two horses and one donkey. The kids leave them off when they get a new apartment and then they don’t come back. If they want a new dog, they go get a fresh one. Grandma gets all the left overs.
• Mary Ann is at present, not doing well. Gerald, before his death in 2002, decided to save money by installing a wood burning stove in the house and not use the gas furnace. Mary Ann began a disasterous practice of sitting up on the divan and feeding the fire all night long. She has not actually laid down in a bed since that stove was installed and so, the practice of sitting up twenty four hours a day and night have taken their toll. She can no longer walk on her own.
• Vicky and Harold Alexander then came to the farm to aid in the care of Mary Ann. That was the official reason. They actually came, because it was a way to have a house without paying rent and they could also help live off Mary Ann’s social security check. They brought their dogs and cats. Then Vicky buys a donkey for fifty dollars, because Mary Ann once said she would like to have a donkey. It was fun for about a month and now it just exists out there and they might feed it if they remember. The neighbors have been seen coming over to keep care of that poor abandoned beast. Then the rest of the family have since dropped off their unwanted livestock, pets and etc. to be cared for, out of Mary Ann’s social security check. Harold had a job as a car crusher operator in Salina.
• Cletus finds a girl friend (Dawn) and she lived at the farm for a time. Dawn actually cleaned Cletus up for a time. He took a bath and had a hair cut. Cletus even tried working for the same junk yard car crusher operator as did Harold. They eventually walked off the job, because according to them, the boss tried to cheat them out of some hours in their pay. Cletus had a car that worked, but eventually he, “Blew the engine!” as he described it.
• Tanya lived at the farm for a short spell. While there, she contributed to the dog population, lost her temper and threw a phone through the back porch window, lost her and threw a hamburger paddy against the kitchen wall, lost her temper and drove Mary Ann’s car down the road with the hood not latched and ripped it off. Then later in the same year, Cletus went out to push the hood down, because it was sticking up from the botched repair. He bent the whole thing and completely ruined any hope of restoration.
• Harold Alexander Sr., Harold Alexanders father lived at the farm for a time and soon left for his own place in town.
• Harold Alexander Jr. comes back from the foster home and is now living at the farm.
• Now all the kids are asking Mary Ann if they’re on the will.
(This is a true account. none of the above was made up. This is a true account of the bramble bush family tree)
