bobberdilly.com

Please forgive this site. I have been getting complaints that this blog now requires anyone who wants make a comment on something must log in.

Well… a couple of weeks ago this site started rejecting my new entries… so I e-mailed my daughter in Colorado (She manages it for this old man) and told to her to find out what was wrong. Well… she said it was going screwy in lots of other sites and the only way she could fix it was installl some new updates or something… so now its all different and I’m not all that happy and now my readers are unhappy.

I’m going to do so more checking into this problem and I will let you know how it all comes out, but in the mean time… comment back to me on my e-mail … Please! bobberdilly@juno.com

Thank god I’m just deaf enough to keep myself in the dark. Everywhere is crazy and now I know why older people get hard of hearing and hard of seeing and don’t want to remember stuff. I know now why! It’s because we don’t want to know. We don’t want to hear what the hell is happening all the time. We are very sensitive to things now. We have all that experience. We’ve been through it all and we don’t want to know about it any longer.

Sure! We should all be running around the neighborhood knocking down doors and grabbing the kids and shaking them, trying to bring them to a state of awarness, but we all know what would happen there. We’d end up in the old timers joint. No one listens to anyone in there. Everyone is talking to everyone else who should already know whats going on and just nod in complete agreement with one another.

Example: Sunday I wasn’t scheduled to work and it was a real beater. It was (as I’m told, another rendition of Mothers day). Then on Monday I come back to work and I’m not feeling all that well and I’m really thankful I missed that sunday mob for Memorial day. Everything is normal until leaving time and Micheal tells me, Tina (The other dishwasher and cooks helpe) has been fired. “Fired!” I say. “What did she do? What brought that on?” Then today the new guy is supposed to come in and he doesn’t. Now, what the hell does that say? The boss askes me if I can come in to work on my day off. “Sure!” I say even though I don’t really want too. Now I get to have one of those three days in a row thing. Sure that isn’t anything to some kid who needs the work to make is silly car payment, but I’m old and retired and tired and I don’t want a three day-er… and the crap keeps rolling on just like in the soap operas

I haven’t been feeling very nice over this Memorial Day weekend. Thank God, Diane decided to close the Cafe on Sat. I wasn’t feeling well and I got worse on Sunday. I was just droopy all day long and I hoped I’d feel better today, but so far not so lucky. I go to work in about and hour. I sure hope everyone doesn’t decide to desend on the place, because it will be one of the few eating establishments open over this holiday. No! I don’t have the “Swine Flu!” What a bunch of hype that was.

They had the whole county frightened. It was just like those state wide tornado alerts. Every one is going crazy over the crap and nothing is happening. Now that they have finally conseded that maybe the Swine flu wasn’t as bad as they had hoped, the want to keep up the pressure by reporting all the know cases around the planet to keep everyone scared. Its all about money now! Maybe it was always about money. The good ole ENRON company created the great electricity shortage in California just for profit. What makes us think someone isn’t getting rich over this Swine Flu scare. Maybe homeland security can come up with a colored chart like the one they have for the chances of Terrorist attacks. They could put Swine flu up in the oranges and reds to keep everyone in a continious hype.

Oop’s! I’m on another Rant. It must be the Swine flu after all, effecting my brain.

I took a long walk today while Marcella was on the phone with her sister. I went to the east end of 2nd street and turned north like I always do. Still I didn’t want to walk the same old route. I didn’t want to walk a whole section. I just didn’t feel up to walking four miles today…. So I took off across this giant open field on the east end of Ellinwood. It had just been re-seeded with alfalfa. I didn’t know they seeded in one direction and then came back in a different direction and forming little squares all over the field. What the hell is all that for?

Then there was all the golf balls. I found all these golf balls all over the field. Someone was out pounding away and sending golf balls on a one way trip. I started picking them up and when my pockets were full I decided to just put them all in a big pile and leave them there for the farmer when he seeds the field in another direction so he turns the field into golf balls and little triangles.

Anyway… I’m depressed as hell tonight. I’m sitting out in the big chair wandering what the hell to do next. I don’t want to paint. I don’t want to write a letter, I don’t want to go to work tomorrow, though I will when the time comes. I don’t want to be writing this blog right now. I don’t want to watch television or eat or go for another walk.

I went to star trek last night. I wasn’t disappointed, but I didn’t think about it today and I wonder if thats because the film was Okay, but it didn’t make anything in me move around. It didn’t leave me with the feeling that I need to go back and watch it again. I didn’t even dream about it and that really is disappointing. I hate being disappointed.

There was one thing this week that did impress me. Maybe it impressed me so much that it contributed to my depression this evening. I was cleaning out the trunk of, my not-so-green gas-guzzler twenty year old car and I realized I couldn’t find the little wrench that takes off the hubcaps. I need that wrench, because without that little piece of cheap crap, I can’t take off the tire of my car in case of a flat tire. I looked all over and I couldn’t find it, so I decided I needed to go to the parts store and get another one. Well… on the way I couldn’t remember the date of my car and I thought it might be nice to be able to tell the parts guy if my tires were 1984 or 1987. Why they would need to know, I don’t know why, but I was thinking about it anyway. So while I was driving down the street I thought I should open the glove compartment and take out my registration papers and they would tell me everything I would need to know. I popped the lid, leaned over and Bang! What should fall right into my hand, but the little wrench I needed to take off the wheel covers.

Now that just blew my mind. I suddenly remember putting the damned thing in there so I wouldn’t lose it incase I needed to change a tire. Well I forgot! Now the first thing I thought of was that “God is watching out for me!” That just reinforced my lingering off and on belief in god. Another little bit of proof that is designed to kick my ass and making me wake up and just aquire a bit of gool old fashioned faith.

Then I got to thinking about those people in the Zen excercises that sit for hours doing breathing and saying “Ohm” over and over trying to make contact with the great spirit. I never got that! I never understood what it was those Japanese sword masters or archery masters were doing. They meditated and practiced and one day they clear their minds and things happen without trying. Well that happened to me. Maybe it wasn’t god but rather a part of my brain that simply knows whats happening, and remembers whether I remember or not and in some strange way manages to get me to do what it takes to remember what I need when I need it. Then I remember all the times I should have fallen on my face and I didn’t and somehow everything has always turned out right and that It wasn’t a place in my brain, but rather God!

No I’m still not going down to church and sit for an hour every sunday and listen to some priest who doesn’t have these weird experiences in the middle of a field. I should be okay by morning. I just need a nice cup of hot tea and a slice of Marcella’s wonderful strawberry pie to make everything alright.

The Bobberdilly

I wrote this letter to Mr. Gleissner:

Dear Mr. Gleissner

They warned me about it in sunday school and for a short period, I obeyed my elders. I just went along with the crowd. I had my everyday dealings, everyday problems, everyday solutions, everday puzzles, everyday questions and then more questions and more questions and no one was providing answers.

They kept on warning me and I listened, but the questions kept coming and I found the elders explainations to be insufficent, convoluted, confusing, difficult and puzzling. When I tried to ask… I was warned!

That made me curious… What the hell wasn’t I supposed to know? I’ve always wanted to know what was inside the abandoned house, behind the closed door or under that lock!… So I took just one little peek… One quick little peek!

(From inside) or outside?
Your Friend
Robert

Tonight, as Marcella and I drove back from the music concert at the college, I was thinking about the new Coal Fired electric plants that are to be constructed in Western Kansas. The governor has okayed the bill that will make them possible. As we turned toward Ellinwood at Garvey Grain we could see the spot light newly implanted at a newly implanted company West of the city. It is the brightest light in the whole area with the exception of the lights used to light up the football field on game night. The problem with this ten million watt bulb… It’s on every night of the year. No wonders we think we need more and more power plants of any kind.

And if that was all, I suppose I couldn’t argue with the seeming need for such a display of over lighting, but that isn’t all. There are the series of gigantic electric signs lit up like the screen at a drive-in theater. (They seem that large) Who in the hell needs a giant lit up advertizement for a business closed in the middle of the night any way? Besides being obnoxious, the signs so far, advertize themselves. How much juice do those things drain from the grid and serve no useful purpose, but pollute the night and the dark? Then there is Ellinwood itself. From the West, the city seems reasonably lit. Lots of nice dark spots except for the city park. It’s empty at night. Empty swimming pool, empty football field, empty park and its lit up like it contains all the gold of the Spanish main and it needs to be illuminated. What the hell is all this for?

Everyone is hailing the coming of the great costless windmills and other green devices to generate more electricity so we Americans can go on putting up giant useless lit-up signs advertizing themselves and million watt spotlights to pollute the dark. I feel so damned alone in having these useless lights turned off and toned down. If we’d do that, we wouldn’t need those new coal powered pollution mills in Western Kansas. From where do I shout?